If I Ended My Life

       Life is impossibly difficult sometimes. In fact, much of the time. For the person considering suicide, living is far more excruciating than the alternative.

       Or is it?

       Consider, for a moment, the permanent redness that would envelop the participant after the single gunshot echoes into oblivion, or the last drop of blood as it drips from a deeply sliced vein. No more smiles or the sounds of children laughing or music playing or dogs barking or kittens purring. Never to hear the crackling of a campfire, nor the fragrance of another rose in bloom, nor the impression of the season's first gently falling snowflakes. Forever gone are the sunsets, the fresh breezes, mountain vistas, rusty desert landscapes, and vast oceans of deep blue. Just the perpetual gloom and frigid eternity of a dank crypt.

       Nothing else.

       No more, no less.

       In the first moments following the self-inflicted cessation of life, perhaps we are afforded a view of our own crime scene. Most important would be the alarming sight of blood splattered or pooled and the horror-filled expressions of the unfortunate loved ones first to stumble upon what once had been a human life. Would we witness the tears as they stream down sobbing faces and mix with our own spilled blood? Would we hear the sniffling and wailing as the eulogy is read? Are we given the view of the dirt as it is shoveled atop the gravesite and all sensation is forever vanquished? Do we participate in the writing of our own epitaph? Will we watch our flesh as it rots off, or our skulls as they are exposed to the ravenous worms?

       Will the demons ever stop their taunting?

       No more heartache, no more love, no tender kisses, never another hug.

       Wasn't that what you wanted?



Rob Petitt

Dec 28, 2006